Recently, articles and videos making the rounds have championed the case for "dating with purpose" and pointing out the pitfalls for women who do the pursuing. Having discussed this myself in my book, Sex Makes People Stupid: How To Avoid Ending Up With a Loser it seems like a good time for a refresher...
Did you see the 2009 movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You”? (Starring Jennifer Aniston and Justin Long.) It was a comical depiction of how women evaluate every tiny thing a guy says and does. She sees every action as an “indicator” of how he feels about her. And then reacts according to her detailed analysis of what it MEANT. The movie had some amusing revelatory moments. In particular when the guy-friend (Justin Long), explains to the single girl (Ginnifer Goodwin) what a guy means versus what he says. The comical insights about how truly off-base women are in their interpretations of male behavior are so true!
I found the first part of the movie to be hilarious. I’ve been the girl who fabricated a whole future out of “I’ll call you sometime.” But there were several scenes that had me talking back to the screen.
In particular, the social acceptability of women being The Initiator. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not just repeating what my grandmother said: “Only fast girls call boys!” [Author’s Note: In this case, “fast” meant fast-to-take-their-clothes-off]. My Nana could, would and regularly did give me the lecture: “Boys don’t respect girls who make the first move.” Maybe they do and maybe they don’t, but that’s not why I think women shouldn’t initiate.
I feel very passionate about this. No girl should initiate! It just trains him to take you for granted! You’re working against your own interest!
Let’s think this through. You get impatient waiting for him to make a move. You think he’s interested, but he’s just not stepping up to the plate. So you make the call. You choose the restaurant. You decide what time. Everything goes according to plan --- except that you probably have to pick up the check since you invited him.