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Excerpt from "Sex Makes People Stupid: How to Avoid Ending Up with a Loser"   This is a list of questions to help you and your Dating Advisory Committee make sure you aren't lowering or compromising your standards.  

Part 1: Knowing What You Want

Best to do when you are NOT in a relationship

  1. What interests must we have in common?

    1. Recreational

    2. Musical

    3. Spiritual

    4. Nutritional

    5. Familial

  2. How do I want our time together to affect our future goals?

    1. What are my future goals?

    2. What do I need in a relationship to achieve those goals?

  3. What are my preferences with regard to handling conflict, disappointment or frustration?  (For example: prefer a “cooling off” period? keep talking until the problem is resolved?)

  4. What are my non-negotiable beliefs?

    1. About God or church?

    2. About the roles of husbands and wives in marriage?  Who is responsible for what?

    3. About sex before/outside of marriage?

    4. About children? (Having? Raising someone else’s?)

    5. About money?

  5. What character qualities must my partner have? (Example: loyal, trustworthy, sense of humor, patient, etc.)

  6. What are my physical preferences?

  7. How do I want to feel about myself after I have been with this person?

Part 2: When You Think You've Found "The One"

These questions should be asked early and often in the relationship

  1. How do I feel about myself after I have spent time with this person?  Has that changed since we started seeing each other?
  2. What level of sexual intimacy has this person experienced with previous partners?  Is this in alignment with my expectations?

  3. What kind of relationship does this person have with members of their family?

    1. Parents/Step-parents

    2. Siblings

    3. Extended family

  4. How does this person demonstrate concern for my well-being?  Do they take unnecessary risks?

  5. How do my conversations with others about this person sound?  (For example: do I find myself trying to excuse or explain their behavior?)

  6. When I’m with this person, how do I feel?  (For example: Accepted the way I am?  That they want me to change?  Understood?  Guilty?  Encouraged?  Nervous?)

  7. How has this person handled:

    1. Personal tragedy?

    2. Money?

    3. Personality conflict?

    4. Important decisions?

    5. Previous love interests?

  8. How does our time together affect our future goals?

    1. My goals?

    2. Their Goals?

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