We're Not Wired The Same

The riskiest thing we do at Positively Waiting is provide teens a description of the differences in male/female sexuality.  The fact is our wiring is physiologically different.  Not just the reproductive parts, but the way each system behaves.

For more than a decade, we have been explaining this.  It’s alarming the increasing number of teens and adults who fail to understand it. 

A 100% guarantee of relational disappointments for anyone is to assume everyone else’s operating system works exactly like yours.

Before our explanation, we do make this required disclaimer, “If you are a male attracted to males or a female attracted to females, this particular relational challenge might not apply.  But if you are a male attracted to females or a female attracted to males, and you assume your crush thinks about sex the same way you do, someone is going to get hurt.”

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But very simply (there is a TON of science supporting it): Male sexuality automatically operates at its maximum capacity 24/7, and males are VISUALLY driven.  That means what He sees causes Him to have sexual thoughts.  It can happen from scent or sound, but its basically sight — and those thoughts are specific, graphic and visceral images of body parts and sexual acts.  It is completely automatic and there is nothing He can do to prevent them from popping in His head.  Thousands of times a day.  All day, every day, until He’s dead.

However, most guys are not dogs.  They do want to show honor and respect.  So they actively CHOOSE to control their behavior, in spite of their thoughts.

Female sexuality is completely different.  First, its voluntary.  If She doesn’t want to think about sex, She doesn’t.  Period. 

Second, unlike male sexuality, it takes a lot of effort for Her to get to the magic place.  While its not identical to the animal kingdom where estrus is a defined time and cycle, She has to focus and concentrate for sex to be a pleasant experience.

Third, She is RELATIONALLY stimulated.  Not that She doesn’t find the human form attractive, but if that attractive form houses a slimy character — as a sex partner He is unappealing.

What does this mean in Real Life?

• She doesn’t know He isn’t thinking of the naked females He looks at as a PERSON.
  
• He doesn’t know She offers sexual intimacy as relational gifts.  They mean something.
• She doesn’t know He can have sex with someone He can’t stand — not that He would, but She doesn’t know He COULD.
• He doesn’t know if She is not attracted to the person She is intimate with, She is faking it.  No exceptions.
• She doesn’t know that He can’t keep those sexual thoughts from showing up, but He can keep them moving along.  And that He must make the effort to do exactly that, to be able to see Her as whole person.
• He doesn’t know that constant, perpetual sexual thoughts are inconceivable to Her.
• She doesn’t know that His inability to banish all other images of female bodies and parts, is no reflection on how deep or shallow His feelings are for Her.

We want teens to survive in a world that tells them sex is a sport and all genders are the same.  But we can see the writing on the wall: Positively Waiting will only be able to tell young people the truth for a little bit longer. 
We hope you will support our effort until someone insists we must say males and females are the same, and all lifestyle choices produce the same positive outcomes.  Because at that point, we will have to stop.