In order to get a date with Karen, Jim Kropf had to go through an "approval process" with ten friends of hers -- eight women and two men committed to seeing she didn’t go out with jerks. They were her “Dating Advisory Committee.” Some of her friends took the job so seriously, they came up with written questions – the first set of questions trying to figure out what sort of man would suit her, and another set for anyone who wanted to date her.
It forced her to look at her non-negotiables and preferences in a new way. It also sharpened her ability to recognize when a relationship would be “grit your teeth to make it work” and when it would be “fit together like puzzle pieces.”
BE ADVISED! These are hard, soul-searching questions. The more DETAILED & SPECIFIC your answer, the greater the chance you will recognize The One when you meet them.
1. What interests must we have in common?
2. How do I want our time together affect our future goals?
a. What are my future goals?
b. What do I need in a relationship to achieve those goals?
3. What are my preferences with regard to handling conflict, disappointment or frustration?
(For example: prefer a "cooling off" period? keep talking until the problem is resolved?)
4. What are my non-negotiable beliefs?
a. About God or church?
b. About the roles of husbands and wives in marriage?
(Who is responsible for what?)
c. About sex before/outside of marriage?
d. About children? (having? raising someone else's?)
e .About money?
5. What character qualities must my partner have?
(Example: loyal, trustworthy, sense of humor, patient, etc.)
6. What are my physical preferences?
7. How do I want to feel about myself after I have been with this person? (Examples: peaceful, challenged, cherished)
Part Two: When You Think You've Found "The ONE"
1. How DO I feel about myself after I have spent time with this person? (see Part 1:7)
2. What level of sexual intimacy has this person experienced with previous partners? Is this in alignment with my expectations?
3. What kind of relationship does this person have with members of their
4. How does this person demonstrate concern for my well-being? Do they take unnecessary risks? Do they recognize my preferences and insecurities?
5. How do my conversations with others about this person sound? (For example: do I find myself trying to excuse or explain their behavior?)
6. When I'm with this person, do they accepted me the way am? Do they seem to want me to change? Am I understood? Do they make me feel guilty? Encouraged? Nervous?
7. How has this person handled:
a. Personal tragedy?
c. Personality conflict?
d. Important decisions?
e. Previous love interests?
8.How does our time together affect our future goals?
a. My Goals
b. Their Goals