Mr. Harvey has written a book called "Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man” in which he instructs women (among other things) not to have sex with someone they have known less than 90 days. His reasoning is you don’t get a “full benefit package” on most jobs until you’ve passed a probationary period, usually 90 days.
He had a number of males on the show who were irritated with him for telling women to do this. As you might imagine, it was a revealing segment, both for the men who were trying to present themselves in the best light, and for the women in the audience watching them do it.
Especially for those who have been sexually active in the past, sexual self-control is an art that is hard to master, and however long you wait will be the measuring stick you use to trust each other in the future. If its three months, then you will know your partner is capable of being faithful under pressure for three months. Alright, so what if you’re separated from each other for a season (military service, taking care of a loved one out of state, a business trip, etc.) and have to trust each other that there won’t be anyone else in their heart, bed or pants?
Pretty hard to do if either one of you couldn’t demonstrate sexual self-control for any length of time.
Single women will sometimes say, “But if I don’t have sex with him, he’ll go out with someone else!”
Um... OK. So then doesn’t that very clearly demonstrate he doesn’t value you for YOU, but rather you for SEX?
Males are sexually predatory by nature. They’re just wired up that way. If you allow yourself to be used in that way, then he knows how high (or low, in this case) you have set the bar for the privilege of your company. Don’t kid yourself, your value doesn’t go UP after sex (well, except with teenage boys whose only requirement is willingness.)
Single men will say, “But what if you wait 'til you get married and the sex isn’t any good?” This is the “test drive” argument, meaning, "what if you actually waited until you got married (and in the meantime you poured all of your sexual energy into creative and productive ways to be together -- building memories, intimacy, common interests, shared values and respect) and then you got married, but your first sexual experience wasn't all you expected?"
The Best Sex comes from deep trust and transparent communication – not technique! Even if your initial sexual encounters are slightly hilarious to begin with, the foundation that makes Great Sex possible is already there. The security of relationship where you can express desires and preferences. There is NO WAY that happens with a virtual stranger.
Back to Steve Harvey. His detractors all insisted there are SOME women who aren’t looking for commitment, they just want to have "fun" (meaning casual sex). Mr. Harvey’s response was that he didn’t write the book for THEM. His book is for women who want something more… certainly more than this panel of men was offering.
The segment was certainly confirmation to me of how few men understand that women don’t view sex the way men do, AT ALL. I have a feeling that a panel of women would be just as clueless.