Lady Gaga’s remarks are pretty cynical. On the flip side, Radio Host Dennis Prager likes to ask this question: “If you could only have one or the other guaranteed to be successful, which would you rather have, a great relationship or a great career?”
Everyone’s answer is different, but one time he asked a waitress and learned later from another member of the wait-staff that they had been discussing nothing else for 25 minutes! All of these young people were 24 or older, and NONE of them had even thought about what goals mattered the most to them.
Of course, it may be possible, in their Real Lives that they could have both a great career and a great relationship. It’s possible, but the more life-experience one has, the more you realize that is very rare.
For Coaching Practice this month, we suggest you have some discussions along those lines. First, before you engage your teen, get your own preferences out of the way. What YOU hope your teen will choose is not the purpose of this coaching exercise! [Remember: Coaches don’t make the right decision for you, they help you make Right Decisions]. Your objective is to help your teen build their own neural network toward their goal, by connecting at an emotional level.
- I was terrified of being alone.
- I was concerned that I would be dependent on someone else for my security.
- I was so uncertain about what I might be good at.
(Whatever your experience was.) It is very likely that the beginning of the discussion will be very different from the end, so no matter where you start, allow your teen to think about it and refine their thoughts. Every bit of pondering builds the network toward the goal.
It takes the SAME amount of effort to be successful in a relationship as it does to succeed in a career. The level of preparation, dedication and effort will determine the outcome in either case. Don’t forget, preparing for a relationship means developing relational skills such as the ability to negotiate, communicate what you want, get along with others who are not like you, fight fair, and discern character qualities.
How are you doing with teaching the Relationships Skills?