But after the baby came, the old flame revealed his true sponging nature, and suddenly their income dwindled, unpaid bills piled up, and she found herself in a fierce legal battle for survival.
This is one of the reasons why Positively Waiting emphasizes the need for singles to have a Dating Advisory Committee. A group of 3 or 4 people committed to helping you make good decisions when your brains get scrambled by your magical tingly feelings.
No one wants to see the flaws or incompatibilities of the person who makes your heart pound. But it is NOT seeing those characteristics before marriage that causes many a divorce later.
Which is why I'm bothered by the 46% of American males who said they wouldn't break up with someone after they realized she was not someone they would marry.
Maybe it's just me, but I read that to mean He's thinking "I'm not going to break this off, at least until something better comes along."
But SHE could be thinking, "We're still together, so that means we can work these problems out before we get married." She's pouring everything (in particular, her best childbearing years, if she wants a family) into a guy who won't even TELL her he sees no future for them.
[An Important Side Note: Although this article is not addressing the equally slimy things women do in relationship, don't take that to infer all women are angels, please.]
I have spent a lot of time with those very unhappy women in their early 30's who stayed with the same guy for 5 or 7 years thinking, "Eventually we'll get married and have a family." Only to have him say "I knew this wasn't going to work out for a while," on his way out the door.
They hear my premise (that Sex Makes People Stupid, and is likely to fool you into thinking your whole relationship is great), and my advice that they should wait a year before they even consider getting married to someone they're dating, and they wail, "Are you crazy? I can't wait a year to have sex! Every month I wait I lose a chance to have a baby!"
OK, stop and think about that. Yes, it's true, every monthly period means one less egg, one less chance. HOWEVER, hurrying a relationship along because you want to have a family INEVITABLY leads to:
- Using each other to meet your needs
- Failing to develop the ability to put someone else first
- a lack of skill at resisting temptation
- Personality issues that you would have assessed differently if your head was clear
- A greater chance of divorce, unfaithfulness and dissatisfaction
As Benjamin Franklin said, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.”