Tangling with a teenager over what is “appropriate” clothing is no fun for any parent, but as your child’s coach, you have to get this one right before launching them into adulthood.
Remember coaching isn’t making right decisions for them, it’s helping them make right decisions.
Males can be stimulated by just parts, no face, no personality, no connection. Just parts.
Females need something else in addition — face, fantasy, fascination. And because she does, she ASSUMES he does too. That means she thinks if he is attracted to her, aroused by her, then he is also attracted to her as a person. Which is not necessarily true!
Females rarely understand that males can fantasize and perform sexually with someone they can’t stand. It doesn't mean they WILL — but it is possible. For a girl, that’s unimaginable and gross (one of the reasons female porn stars are usually high when they “perform.”) Use your own experience to help your teen Connect Emotionally with liking how someone looks doesn’t always mean liking them.
On the other hand, males rarely understand females don’t get this. He is certain she knows that when she shows lots of skin, he is thinking about her parts and what those parts can do. Adolescent males are often BAFFLED by girls who complain about being stared at. Didn’t she put those clothes on to get attention (especially sexual attention) from guys?
Not exactly. She wore those clothes because she wanted to get attention from only CERTAIN guys. She wants the guy (or guys) she’s attracted to, to see her as desirable — but NOT anyone she isn’t interested in. In Girl World, if she hasn’t given a guy the “I’m interested in you” sign, he should just keep his fantasies to himself! Sadly, she also has no idea that the guy she has given the “I’m interested in you” sign to, because of her attire, may only be interested in her for sex. It could be more, but its not necessarily so.
Admittedly. some girls hearing this for the first time will say, “What I wear is my choice and whatever they’re thinking is their problem.” It’s disappointing because it reflects a particularly self-absorbed point of view, and indicates a lack of respect for anyone else.
So, Accentuate the Positive! Most guys want to treat every woman with respect and honor. Good men fight daily to control the part of their nature that wants to use people for sex. Women who dress with that knowledge in mind are the ones who are really “empowered.”
Love to hear how it goes, Coach. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org mailto:email@example.com