The trailer for the movie came on TV the other night and my darling husband ("Bear") asked me the essential question, "Do women really like being treated like that?" As a hyper-protective one-woman man, my husband just couldn't imagine the mechanics of this kind of preference.
We had a similar conversation several years ago about Lara Croft, TombRaider. For the life of me I couldn't grasp the appeal of it for men. In case you don't know Lara Croft is a most beautiful bad*ss played by Angelina Jolie who kicks the butt of every man who gets in her way (physically, mentally and professionally).
OK. I got it. (Go ahead and shoot for the stars! None of my business what you fantasize about.)
So when Jim asked me about 50 Shades of Gray, I realized he was experiencing the same confusion I felt. Why in the world, in this day and age where women are complain about less pay, less promotion, less prestige, why would they want to be brutalized, and told what they should think, say and do?
First let me say: Gentlemen, if you are some random guy who sees this movie and then concludes if you treat a woman that way she will find it hot -- expect to get arrested, kicked in the groin and publicly shamed.
The appeal of this movie to women is NOT LIKE YOUR enjoyment of porn. It is female-porn, don't misunderstand me, but its not at all like what you experience as a man. The fantasy she entertains is that this man KNOWS HER SO WELL, he knows her threshold of pain, etc. so well that she is SAFE. He will not hurt her -- not really. This is about being so emotionally transparent with your lover that while there is a danger, HE is so in tune with with her true heart's desire that there is no actual risk.
The problem for our universe is males who see this will think women LIKE to be degraded and brutalized -- and will assume they can get the Real Life version instead of the virtual one they usually have! And women who find the movie arousing will complain that they want their partner to be their personal version of "Mr. Gray."
There isn't any way this movie will be good for relationships -- because more men will think porn is an accurate representation of female sexuality [you do know that on Earth there are NO women instantly and perpetually ready for sex who aren't getting paid to make you believe it, right?] and more women will believe if they act like a porn star in bed, it will motivate her man want to explore the depth of her feelings, hopes and dreams.
Like I said... a big black sucking hole in the universe