It was easily 8 or 9 years ago when I was asked a question by a fourteen year old boy, trying to get his head around these facts: 

1. It is LEGAL to dismember a "fetus" (meaning a human being in-utero).
2. But ILLEGAL to dismember that same human being if/when it unexpectedly pops out of the birth canal (thus becoming a "baby"). 

His question haunts me to this day: "How can grown-ups think that way?"

There's a move to make Plan B (the morning after pill) available to 15 year olds without a prescription. Expect a HUGE increase in STDs.

I spend a lot of time with teen girls both on the brink of becoming sexually active and those who already are.  They know sex makes babies and they know about HIV/AIDS, condoms and The Shot.  The information is ubiquitous.  Pregnancy or infection are possible consequences of sex.  They know.

I laughed out loud when I read the fine print on the package which says, "Not intended to replace regular birth control.  Plan B should be used in Emergencies only."  

Haven't these people ever MET a teenager?

At the end of a presentation recently, while teens were making their "I'm worth waiting for" pledge to get the pin that is our trademark, a 15 year old girl said, "I'm worth waiting for, on one condition -- can it be after the relationship I'm in now?"

I asked her to hang on and talk to me when the others were finished, and she stepped to the side to watch the string of mostly boys say, "I'm worth waiting for until I get married." [Side note: it is the BEST part of my job!!]

When it was just us, I said, "OK, tell me what's going on."  She explained that she was in a sexual relationship with a boy who had provided her a readout of his STD tests showing he wasn't infected, and she wanted to continue having sex with him, and then NOT have sex in the next relationship when this one was over.  Gotta love teen-logic, right?

I said, "Let me tell you what that sounds like to me.  It sounds like you're saying, 'I want to continue using him and being used for now, and then later on, I'll choose to be treated with respect, by someone else."

As you might imagine, she didn't realize that's what she was saying.  For her, it was about keeping what she had going now until something better came along... a VERY typical response and not just from teens!

I try to say it kindly, but the sting of truth is still there.  I've said it to adult women who are dating someone they know they would never marry because they want male attention, or someone to taken them to a movie etc.  I've said it to adult men who are "seeing someone" they aren't really committed to, just to have their sexual needs met.  Let's face it, no woman wants to be used sexually and no guy wants to be used emotionally or financially.

Here's the thing though.  The reaction, across the board, is ALWAYS surprise.  No one realizes they are using someone until it's pointed out.  Until that moment, they tell themselves, "It doesn't really hurt anybody.  We're both getting something out if it. It's not like I'm not being mean to them."  Really?  You've been on the receiving end of having someone move on when you thought things were going OK, haven't you?  Did realizing you were being used have little or no impact on you?  Did you say to yourself, "It was fun while it lasted, but I'll just move on to someone else."?

Didn't think so. 

The reason relationships fail is ALWAYS selfishness.  From one person or both -- that's always the reason.  If you want a successful relationship, you have to learn to be unselfish.  How are you going to do that if you are using or being used in every relationship prior to finding the Love of Your Life?

Just asking.

I can concede the point: it's not fair for the time being, that marriage is defined as one man and one woman.  If the only issue was "fairness" then the whole debate would be silly.  But who said life is fair?

The reason societies recognize and reward certain relationships is to have MORE of them.  It is in our best interest as a civilization to encourage males to stay with the mother of his children.  It's better for children to have their mom and their dad, and it creates less of a burden on the rest of society.  If males just NATURALLY chose to stay with and be faithful to the mother of their children, frankly, there would be no need to have a formal recognition of their union.

 But on Earth, males have no such natural proclivity...

Probably everyone has seen "Its A Wonderful Life," the story of a man who is given the gift of seeing what the world would be like if he had never been born. There have been other movies with similar themes, Frequency, the Back to the Future series, and the Terminator trilogy.  Each has a twist that deals with changing the past and its impact on the future.

For someone who has an abortion decision in the past, like me, it's either something you deliberately choose NOT to think about, or something you can't help BUT think about.

I'm sometimes asked about that decision and the consequences after I give a presentation on sexual self-control.  Young people are very empathetic, and often protective of me.  Because the pain and regret are so real in my story, they want to try to put it into perspective.  One of the questions that comes up the most often is, "Do you wish you had kept that baby?"

I have two gal pals who had a little tiff.  One of the girls kept calling an ex, her "fiance" even though there was no date, no ring, no actual wedding plans... it was just talk.

This irritated my other friend.  She thought it was ridiculous to elevate the status of this former relationship.  As if having an ex-fiance makes you look less like a loser than just having ex-boyfriends.

What you call someone/something matters, doesn't it?

I hear people say “Abstinence doesn’t work, so teens need to know how to use protection."

But more and more, there's evidence that "using protection" is what's not working.

Take for example a clinical study in Atlanta, Georgia reported in the Jan. '09 edition of Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine. Girls who had sex in the previous 14 days, while using condoms 100% of the time, were tested for the presence of sperm in their vaginal fluid.

Every Wednesday I brace myself every time the "text alert" rings.  Wednesdays are when my "Hookup Weekly Tip" comes in.  One tip was: Prom Prep?  Outfit? Check.  Limo? Check.  Hot date? Check. Condoms? Visit teensource.org for free condoms near u! 

Teensource.org is a taxpayer financed, government "service."  It appears to be run by adults who have a VERY LOW OPINION of young people and ZERO confidence they can control their sexual impulses any better than dogs in heat.  They must not have ever been or KNOWN a teen because they apparently don't realize adolescent behavior can have negative consequences that last a lifetime.